Husbands, Love Your Wives!
Husbands, love your wives … (Eph 5:25)
It is a command! Not a recommendation, not a suggestion for a happy marriage, not a “how to get along” slogan. He goes on further with what the standard is to measure love – “even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it …”
One day I saw a sticker on the back of a car that said, “I love my Grand-Dog.” Now if you have one of those on your car – don’t “get your dukes up,” but that annoyed me. We proudly put stickers on our cars about everything we love - except our spouse. It is one thing to get annoyed about something, it is another to do something about it. So, I did something about it.
Now – before you order one of these stickers from our website, be sure you mean it. I challenged all my friends to put one on their car. One friend said, “I love my wife, but sometimes I don’t like her very much.”
Not an option.
Would you say you love your house but don’t like it? You love your dog but don’t like it? You love your job but don’t like it? Of course not! How silly would that be? If that is how you feel about your wife than you do not understand Love!
What does “I Love My Wife” look like? I Peter 3:7 says - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life…
“According to knowledge …”
I am not sure I understand everything that phrase means, but I know some of what it means, and I know some of what it does not mean. I hear men say it is hard to understand their wife. Sometimes we are right. Most of the time we use it as an excuse. I am not focusing on the times when we have no idea what we did wrong. I am focusing on the times we know what we did wrong or what we should have done right and do not care.
Do you know something that your wife enjoys? What do we do with that knowledge? Do we know somethings that our wives do not like? What do we do with that knowledge? Trust me, do the things you know she likes and you will reduce the number of times you are in “hot water”. We get upset that our wives fail to meet our needs, but do we meet theirs? Our problem is not what I don’t know about my wife. Our problem is what we do with the knowledge we DO have of our wife.
I have found the problem – and it is us!
“Giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel …”
For some of you who pay close attention to details – you noticed I dropped a comma. If you didn’t – feel free to take a minute and look it up.
I love the way my late pastor would read it. Giving honor unto your wife as a finer vessel. I think that paints the picture clearer for us men. He described men as mason jars. Very rugged. Useful to store bolts, pickles, or to drink iced tea. You can use it to drink some tea while you mow the grass and when it is empty, toss it in the grass and pick it up when you are done.
But a wife is a fine lead crystal goblet. You can use it to store bolts but why would you? Iced tea taste special when you use the goblet. You would never throw it in the grass until you finish mowing. You might stop mowing and sit on the deck to the drink the tea that is in a goblet. That is showing honor towards the holder of tea. That is not treating it like it a cracked or fragile. Fine lead crystal is more durable than glass. It is also more valuable.
We stick mason jars in the garage or in the attic. We put crystal goblets in a glass case. We show it off. We are proud of it. Do you show off your wife? Are you proud of her? Do you value her enough to stop mowing, or watching TV, or puttering in the garage and enjoy what she has to offer?
I read about how to check a goblet to see if it is just glass or fine lead crystal. One of the ways that jumped out at me it to hold it up to the light. You can tell that it is crystal if it creates a rainbow prism effect. If it doesn’t, then you are holding just a plain glass. Crystals with over 35% lead will actually sparkle in light.
Wow! Did you catch that? When our wives are held up to The Light (Jesus), she can create a rainbow of color like a prism does. Can we see her sparkle?
If you tap the goblet and you hear a musical ring with a little bit of echo, then it is crystal. Wet your finger and gently swipe it around the rim. What do you hear?
Wow! Did you catch that? When we touch our wives does she ring with beautiful music?
Now I know some of you are going to say – my wife is not crystal; she is just glass. Did you think that when you were dating? Or did she become “just glass” because of how you treat her? Is your goal to show her as valuable or has she just become common.
I want to live with my wife seeking to understand what she values. I need to treasure her as a valuable vessel. I need to show her off to people in the light of Jesus’ love. I need to touch her with gentleness and grace to bring out the beautiful music she has in her soul.
Why?
First, because we are joint heirs of God’s grace. Second, so my prayers are not hindered (I Peter 3: 7b).
There may be some woman out there who is so damaged by the way men have treated her over her lifetime, that she cannot learn to respond to true love when it is lavishly displayed towards her, but I seriously doubt it. It may take years to undo the conditioned response she has learned but she is made in the image of God and she is capable of accepting love. It is up to us to display true love.
I heard a story once about an island kingdom where things were bought and sold for shells. The king was looking for a bride for his son. To the best of my memory the story goes something like this. People from around the island were bringing their daughters hoping that the king would choose her to be the princess. They wanted to give their daughter to the prince because they valued the prince. But the king was wise and said he would not accept a gift bride for his son. He would give the family a gift if their daughter was selected by the prince. I think he promised 100 shells. The young man searched the island and found the woman he wanted to be his bride. People were surprised at his choice. She was not the prettiest woman on the island. She was not a particularly good cook. Her sewing was average. When it came time to give her father the shells, he declared that she was not worthy of 100 shells. The father agreed and offered to accept 50 shells. The young man said, “You do not understand. She is not worthy of 100 shells – she is worthy of 1,000 shells.” When the people of the island heard that he gave 1,000 shells for his bride, her value went up in their eyes. Her value went up in her father’s eyes. Her value went up in HER eyes.
Do you have a 100-shell wife? Have you discounted her to 50 shells? Maybe 5 shells? In the Son’s eyes, she is a 1,000-shell wife. Jesus shed His own blood for her.
Do you think your marriage problems are because your wife doesn’t try to meet your needs? Have you tried holding her up to the Light of the World to look for the rainbow of light, the sparkle that you once saw in her? When was the last time you listened for the clear sweet song that comes from a proper touch?
If you refer to her when with your friends as “my old woman” – she is a 5-shell wife.
If you tell your kids how unreasonable she is - she is a 5-shell wife.
If you yell at her - she is a 5-shell wife.
If you let your kids do something that she said they cannot do - she is a 5-shell wife.
If you complain about her cooking - she is a 5-shell wife.
If you roll your eyes at her when she is talking - she is a 5-shell wife.
If you are unwilling to mute the TV when she is talking to you - she is a 5-shell wife.
If you sigh when she asks you to do something around the house - she is a 5-shell wife --- to you.
Not to God.
Love your wife! It is choice, not a feeling. She will be how you treat her. You may have spent years treating her as just a common vessel. It will take you years to re-establish her true worth. Trust me – it is worth the effort!
Maybe I have convinced you to try. As I am sure you have heard it said – Do or Don’t, there is no TRY! It’s a simple choice – a choice you will have to make every day. Make the choice to pay 1,000 shells for her. See her as a 1,000-shell wife and she, as well as everyone around her, will start to believe that she is worth every shell.
