Men Without Friends (Part 5)
…. So why do I need a friend?
In this 5 part series of Men Without Friends, we have discussed many issues:
Suicides for men are 3.63 times more than women
70% of suicides in the USA are committed by white middle aged men
Men are focused more on problem solving than relationships
Today, in every country in the world, women still outlive men by an average of 5 years.
Men are posers, their fathers were posers and their fathers were posers, conditioned to be tough but not real.
Most men’s hope, identity and purpose is found in their jobs, hobbies and wealth.
Men need encouragement from a friend they can trust.
Reaching out is scary………….
I reached out to 7 friends this week. I almost didn’t because of many of the reasons above plus it shows weakness and vulnerability. I have walked with Jesus for 43 years. Why would I need help and prayer; especially from a perceived failure in parenting? I realized that I would rather pose than ask for prayer. I would rather ignore this pain than be honest and admit weakness.
Most of my friends reached out with an encouraging word. One visited me. Two called but most texted. I believe they are all praying for me. Some had more concern than others. Reaching out is scary on both sides because of the fear of rejection and the unknown. Over the years, I have shared the pain and frustration with our ministry of Foster care and adoption. None of my friends know how to respond or even pray. They have never fostered or adopted and most never will except for one. But I think it’s important that they know my pain and I need to know their pain. Stop the posing and be real.
You are not alone!
Just as the apostle Paul was not alone and even Jesus, you are not alone, unless you choose to be. Unfortunately, most men believe the “Lone Ranger” is the hero and especially American men cling to the independent “Cowboy” mentality. Paul needed the friendships of Epaphroditus, Barnabus, Titus and Timothy and even John Mark. He was greatly encouraged by them. He prayed with them, cried with them, sang hymns chained against a prison wall with them and received care and blessings from them.
Paul knew it took the body of Christ to support his ministry and he appreciated the Macedonians in how “their extreme poverty overflowed in a wealth of generosity on their part.” 2 Corinthians 8:2. The Macedonians were obedient. Paul said they “begged us earnestly for the favor of taking part in the relief of the saints” and “they gave beyond their means.” I have always wondered how you do that. And what Brother has recently begged you for the favor of giving to you? But this is the type of support and friendship that Paul was given. He needed it and he was thankful and gracious. In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul declares “What then is Apollos? What is Paul? ….. I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” Paul says we are just servants that the Lord assigned. He is not into building his own Kingdom!
Blind Trust?
No way! Your personality and my personality does not fit with everyone. We were made different by God and that’s ok. No judgement! However, Beware of the overly critical; they are normally deeply insecure. Many brothers are building their own kingdoms and are jealous of your work. Some are talkers, not doers and seek power and control over you and your ministry. I have experienced this several times. Some play the Holy Spirit and always question your motives. These people cannot be trusted and will not be a good friend and “Keeper”. You have to be able to trust this person. Sure, they will fail you. Who doesn’t? But they are quick to see it and ask forgiveness.
So what’s Next………
Admit that you need a friend, a Keeper, a confidant to share your life with. This is not your wife or your girlfriend. This is a Brother you can trust.
Choose carefully and trust God to work in the relationship.
Give and take……. Two way communication, not one sided. Serve each other.
Commit for life. 15 minutes a week to listen and share your life.
Serve and Let God give the increase and get ALL the Glory!
If you need help to find a Keeper, give us a call at AbelKeepers at 864-280-2878. We are here to help.
